December Madness: The Machine

Well, it was bound to be sooner or later that I found a bad movie and... man, why did this film have to be so unfunny? I knew it was bad when I went ten minutes without anything funny, but my first laugh came in 30 MINUTES INTO THE FILM. A comedy that can't make you laugh? WHY AND HOW? Oh, well, let's get into it.

PLOT: The only laughable thing here.

It's a comedy sketch idea extended out into a full movie with Mark Hamill for some reason attached. This film becomes slowly unhinged as the plot is worn thin and they run out of things to really go over. I can't think of anything to even criticize minus just a thin plot that really falls apart towards the end.

CHARACTERS: Piss poor.

Bert Kreischer and Mark Hamill are trying to save these shallow and underdeveloped people, but there's very little emotional connection. The characters are cutouts, the people feel underdeveloped, and nothing is worth latching onto. It's a bad comedy special extended out into a full movie, so what else can you expect?

WRITING: Unfunny!

How do you make an unfunny comedy? Just simply stretch out jokes, make it edgy as hell, and make the family drama feel unwatchable as it's just a classic example of a premise that should have been cut down to a short film or just at the most an hour and thirty. I will say at least I never expected a film to make jokes about Mark Hamill on speed, but here we are, I guess.

SHOTS, SOUND, ETC.: All bland and forgettable.

I put these all into one section because there's absolutely nothing here worth looking at. The action is kinda okay and some of the music is okay. Moving on.

CONS: An unfunny comedy.

A comedy film that manages to be unfunny is not only frustrating but irritating and bothersome. I want to be able to laugh at some of these jokes, but nothing here is of note. It's painfully unfunny and doesn't ever make you laugh. Bert Kreischer's delivery doesn't work as well in standup as it does in a comedy film. At the end of the day, change your comedy to match the style otherwise you're left with an unfunny movie.

VERDICT: I removed THREE SECTIONS from this crap.

I had to remove three sections from my usual review because nothing else stood out about this movie. This was just a bad bad movie with no real premise outside of a comedy sketch Bert Kreischer made about his past with the Russian mafia. While it certainly is a funny sketch, it is NOT a funny movie. This ends up feeling empty and stale less than thirty minutes in.

SCORE: 2/10, what a mess.